Well...you can't say that the scientists who administrate this island don't have a sense of humour, albeit a very warped one.

( Private Thoughts... )

So, Jounouchi's laid up again, this time with a broken ankle which they tell me will take four to six weeks to heal. I'm betting more toward six, considering the hefty weight he had come crushing down on it... I've taken a bit of time off work, at least until Jounouchi is able to return to school, to care for him. It's been kind of fun fussing over him.

I am worried about Mokuba and Shizuka. This whole experience has to have been quite traumatic for them, and I'm beyond relieved that we have people like Tatsumi and Tsuzuki, and Kairi, who have been more than willing to look after them while all this...ludicrous bullshit has been happening. I can only wonder what other...'challenges' are going to come our way, but I know that after each event, we do grow stronger as a family. We have survived some very horrible happenings thus far, and I am confident that no matter what, we will weather whatever storm sails into our port.

I wish there was more I could do for them all, but wishing is a futile endeavour. I must simply learn to be more efficient and effective... Maybe if I can be more proactive, I can stem off some of these problems before they get out of hand.

But, I do have one positive piece of news. The CEO of the company is definitely retiring at the end of May, and a successor will be chosen by the end of April. As it stands, it is between me and one other. From the whisperings I hear, he doesn't stand a chance...far too timid and unsure of himself to do much... How fortunate for me. ;D

Ever just have a really bad feeling about something?

Depending on whether you're one of those idiots who believes in crap like 'premonitions', or if you just tend to have a 'gut feeling', it doesn't matter.

Something is in the air...

Where the hell is Otogi these days? **scowls** I see that he marked off on the calendar for 'vacation', but I don't remember approving that. Up until Christmas, he was an exemplary employee, and a first-rate assistant...

I hope nothing has happened to him...

It's been an interesting start to the new year, I guess. I'm thinking that as I get older, I'm becoming more tolerant toward the things I believe. What I would have outright scoffed at when I was sixteen, I find myself contemplating as within the realm of possibility.

As strange as it seems, reincarnation apparently exists. Normally, I would not be one to make such comments that will get you sent to the loony bin unscientific statements, but it's strangely true. One is more apt to believe when one can suddenly start speaking ancient Egyptian as though it was his native tongue…

This holds true for Jounouchi and I both. If that's not amazing enough, we knew each other in another time. And I had a cousin. Technically, 'have'…although as he is and as I am, I'm sure we're quite far removed by now. Obviously, my side of the family got the brains and the looks, though…

( Private Thoughts… )

Jounouchi's birthday is in a few days. We've made the appointment for mid-morning for his driving test – I know that he'll pass with flying colours. In celebration, we can burn the study manual he's been busy memorizing for the past month. And, when he does, I can tell him what the present I'd promised him is. I know that he is going to be very surprised, but at the same time, I know he'll be pleased.

I have a few ideas on what to do for his birthday, and I can't wait to give him his gifts. I'm a bit…apprehensive about a couple of them, but I'm hoping he'll like them…

Now that the holidays are over and I’m back to work, I find that I have some time to actually sit and update this thing.

The Christmas season was quite eventful. I took half of December off so that I could spend it with my family and do some of those things that there never seems to be ‘enough time’ for. It was quite enjoyable, and anyone who cares to complain to me about my lack of updating will be told off. My family comes first. Period.

Christmas day was wonderful. Professor Tomoe hosted us at his home, and the event was nothing short of spectacular. The meal was exquisite, and there were many gifts and much merry-making. However, the best part of the day by far was my engagement to Jounouchi. I don’t recall a time when I’ve ever been more pleased than I was that day. It was quite amusing, in retrospect, though. I had a ring for him, and he had one for me – each of us was going to ask the other. And we did. The upcoming year will be full of many changes, but I believe they will be positive. I do still need to speak to the professor, though. While the conversation I wish to have is not a necessity, I do wish to do things properly. I shall have to look him up in the next day or so.

Yami stopped by to visit, too. He brought a bottle of palm wine which was enjoyed on the New Year, and the two of us had one of our more civil conversations. I think I must have been more tired that day than I had originally thought, because there is a gap in the conversation where I can’t remember what we discussed – a mere minute or two. It must not have been that important to have slipped my mind like that. If it was a serious issue, I would assume that Yami would bring it to my attention. He’s never been one to ever let me forget anything I’ve ever done…or allegedly done. At least Shizuka is enjoying that pink monstrosity. Prick.

On a final note, I had a rather pleasant conversation with Link the other day. We discussed many things, and while I was the one that wronged him, he has forgiven me for my transgressions, and now we can both move forward. As allies. That is good news, too.

I must keep this short as I do have several thank you notes to write for the wonderful gifts I received over the holiday, and now that the bustle is over, there is no excuse not to do it.

But why do I have this foreboding feeling? It’s disturbing…

So it would seem that upward swing I'd been anticipating was somewhat delayed...

( Private Musings... )

Today is Shizuka's birthday party. I don't think I've ever seen so much pink in the main part of the house before... but it's fitting of a princess, and that is what she'll always be. Jounouchi and I came up with a menu that the two younger ones will certainly enjoy (and Jounouchi, too, given his fondness for junk food). Admittedly, I do like it, too...although, not to the same level as those three.

I'm excited about her birthday present, too. Jounouchi and I discussed this at length, and we both felt that Shizuka needed something of her own to care for. So, this was what we chose for her.



She's a 'ragdoll'. Apparently, these creatures can grow to be in excess of twenty pounds! I'm sure that this animal and I will have to come to an understanding as Mr. Fluffy and I have... Hopefully, this pet will be more fond of Jounouchi. He hasn't exactly had the best of luck with the ferret.

Anyway, I have a cake to collect, hair to style, and a party to co-host... We're on an upswing -- I only hope it carries upwards farther than it's been bringing us down.

Well, I'm another year older. I had my birthday on the twenty-fifth of October, and now I'm nineteen years old. Age of majority in some places. Not that it really matters; I've been doing what I've wanted to since I was fourteen. That's the interesting thing about emancipation.

I've never really been one for celebrating my birthday. In the past, I've been perfectly content to simply treat it as just another day and carry on. But this year was different. I actually enjoyed my birthday and celebrating it with my family. On the actual day, Jounouchi made a wonderful meal (I still say he'd make an excellent chef), and Mokuba and Shizuka made a cake. Professor Tomoe joined us, too. It was an opportunity for him to meet the younger two in a setting familiar to them, and I think that they liked him.

Tousan spoiled me by getting me a car. It's a silver Audi TT, and it's quite slick. It's sporty, which I like, but the backseat is spacious enough that we can move Shizuka and Mokuba around without too much difficulty. I do plan on teaching Jounouchi how to drive, too. I'm sure he'll catch on quickly – as long as he keeps his enthusiasm relatively in check…

As much as I liked that gift, and the ones from Mokuba and Shizuka, my favourite would have to be my gift from Jounouchi. He arranged for a night out for the two of us, and it was wonderful to be able to spend time with him together. And beyond that, there's nothing anyone else needs to know about, save for the fact that Jounouchi's gift was very thoughtful, highly unexpected, and quite appreciated.

Unfortunately, things have not remained as calm and peaceful as they were. If I believed in astrology and all that other crap, I'd go so far as to suggest I'd been born under a bad sign. I've certainly had my share of misfortune over the past few months, and while some of it has been brought about by my own doing, other things just seem to gravitate to me.

( Private Thoughts )

Perhaps things are cyclic like that… If that's true, then I look forward to the next upward peak with great anticipation. If you ask me, it can't come soon enough.

Damn it all...

( Highly Encrypted Message Follows -- Along With a 'Surprise' for the Stupidly Curious )

I think I'm going to go for a walk by myself...I need to find my focus again.

It would seem that I’m a ‘family man’ now. What had not so long ago been just me has now quadrupled (even more, if you count my 'extended family'). And, despite the changes I’ve had to get accustomed to, such as not having everything in its proper place, and dealing with finding toys in the living room, or hearing cartoons blaring from the television, I wouldn’t trade it to go back to the way it was. Not for anything.

( Private Thoughts... )

The kids’ rooms are finally done. It was a lot of work, but it was fun, too. I think they’ll be happy with what we’ve done. Shizuka has her ‘princess room’ and Mokuba has his ‘rainbow room’. God help me when they get to be teenagers, and want something more ‘grown up’. At that point, they’ll be in there to paint, trim, and edge. **chuckles** I’m surprised they couldn’t guess the final product from looking at all the paint covering Jounouchi...

It’s time for the big unveiling. I’m so looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight...the couch is surprisingly uncomfortable for extended periods of time...

I feel…better.

And yet, at the same time, I don’t.

The headaches, for the most part, have stopped. I did have a migraine the other night, but it was not as objectionable as normal. I would imagine my recent sleeping and eating habits have had an effect on that. I’m sure that I will be ‘reminded’ at some point of the need to look out for myself… However, I am more or less back to normal, and there were reasons for this behaviour of mine. I will not elaborate, nor will I say that they were good reasons, but they were, in my opinion, valid reasons. In time, I’m sure that I will resume my normal schedule. The three day rest I had with Jounouchi did wonders, I’m sure. We both seem to be in much better spirits.

Work is stressful, but then, that is the nature of the beast. Things continue as I had expected them to. I do have a new focus in the nature of my job – I want the top spot, and I will have it before a year is up. Hell, I’m figuring six months, tops. Perhaps it’s a bit ambitious and arrogant of me to aim for such a position, but great things were never accomplished through mediocrity.

I did meet an interesting person by the name of Yaten Kou. He’s some hot-shot model, and the two of us were paired up for a photo shoot by the company. It wasn’t as unpleasant as I had originally thought when I was informed that I would be participating in this exercise. Yaten is someone I can respect. And no, not for who he is professionally. He’s actually someone I enjoy having a conversation with, and I find his wit refreshing. Even if he is annoyingly obnoxious. ;D You’d better realize I’m teasing you, or I’ll be sorely disappointed…

I haven’t seen much of Tsuzuki lately. I do hope he’s alright. I’m sure Tatsumi would have said something if he wasn’t. I do need to contact him soon – there’s something important I need to ask him, and he’s one of a select few I would trust with the job. At least it’s nothing sinister unpleasant. I think he’d actually enjoy it quite a bit.

( Private Thoughts... )

The weather is not the only thing that has changed, and I’m looking forward to both.

I hate pretty much everything about this pathetic rock we live on.

( Private Ranting... )

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up…

It's been a while since I've had time to update this thing. Between work and all the other goings on, my time has been in rather short supply.

I made a rather startling discovery the other day. I have a brother. And with that revelation come a lot more memories...

( Private Musings )

I spoke with Tsuzuki the other day. He is a better friend to me than I’ve ever been to him. Perhaps one day, I will be able to say that I am his equal in that department. As a small consolation, I will hopefully be able to rectify an issue that’s been bothering him lately. I have acquired a spare laptop. I’m sure it will help considerably. I’m sure that both of them will be quite surprised by my... interference.

The professor and I met some time back, and I showed him one of my newest inventions. I was quite pleased with myself that I was able to surprise him. He is well informed on most matters, so it was no small feat to be able to do such a thing. I’m sure he’ll be interested to know that I’ve improved upon the original design. It’s still not complete, but it does talk...

I’m happy Jounouchi is with me. As pathetic as it sounds, the best part of my day is to come home and see him. But, he seems distant lately. I know that something is bothering him despite his repeated assurances that there isn’t. He’s a terrible liar. I wish he’d trust me enough to tell me. I wonder what it is about me that makes him hesitate...

I saw a new set of crimson eyes. These ones aren’t as malicious, and despite the arrogance of their owner, they don’t seem intent on harming me. Perhaps these are the ones that can heal me... Or was that all a dream, too?

I have a dinner to get ready for. I hope to whatever gods may exist that Tsuzuki’s not cooking...I don’t think I could stomach it.

I met with Washu and Izumi the other day. I gave Washu a copy of a file I had that showed there is information about us available. There are also coordinates showing where we all came from. I’m not sure if my Stepfather would approve of me handing out his information so cavalierly, so I took the liberty of modifying some of the data before I made the printout. It was meant to serve as an example, not as a gift. I told my Stepfather once that my altruism is not free. Hopefully, Washu verifies the information I gave her before she tries anything with it…but I won’t be held responsible if something unfortunate happens. I don’t think they approve of what I’m doing, but theirs is not the approval I seek.

I very nearly killed Warren last night. I had not been expecting to see him, and when he showed up, I was overcome with this inexplicable rage and need to strike him down for what he had done. The whole situation was like a creepy déjà vu. What had happened reminded me of…someone else…but I can’t remember his name at the moment. I know that I had a hand in the first death, but I’m not sure if I was the one ultimately responsible for pulling the proverbial trigger, or if I was just there – permitting it to happen. I demanded an explanation from him, but he couldn’t give me one. Can you believe that? He couldn’t come up with one reason why I should spare his life. It’s pretty pathetic when one sees themselves as that completely worthless. I think that added to my irritation. Everyone has worth – even if they’re simply a means to an end. They still contribute to the common goal.

I was stopped by Joshua. I have no quarrel with him, and did not want to risk hurting him, despite his adamant insistence that Warren was better. Like that makes what happened alright. He wasn’t himself…he was following orders… That’s a pathetic excuse. Should I just forget about it, then?.. Should I feel no desire for vengeance just because I suffer no lasting effects (thanks to a rather remarkable cure)? Should I look at the entire incident as a ‘no harm, no foul’ situation? No, I think not. I hesitated this time, and it ultimately led to my failure. I cannot accept failure. I must grow stronger still. I can’t disappoint my Stepfather.

I think I nearly hurt one of my Stepfather’s friends (and my own doctor) last night. I know I shot him (he shouldn’t have appeared from that direction in the first place), but for some reason, he was not affected. While that troubles me, I’m glad he wasn’t injured. I’m sure I would have been appropriately, and justifiably, punished otherwise. Everything after Dr. Muraki’s appearance is a blur, and I’m not even sure if I’m detailing events in the order they occurred. Joshua tried to kill my Stepfather. I do feel responsible for that – if I hadn’t waited initially, it wouldn’t have been an issue. I did manage to keep him from dying, and he was quite correct in his instruction to me about hesitation. He was very angry when Warren and Joshua fled. Warren is such a liar – he told me he’d accept his fate, and yet he ran. Afterwards, there was so much red, but I don’t remember how much of it was blood. And destruction – I thought for sure the building was going to collapse. Stepfather was going to finish what I couldn’t – he always has been one of the most ruthless men I’ve known – but, there was some outside interference, and he was prevented from acting. My Stepfather says he’s not angry with me. I’m glad for that. It’s strange; his ire is one of the few things that instill fear in me. Strike hard, strike sure, show no mercy. That’s his philosophy. I would do well to remember it and apply it in my own life. Mercy is for the weak, and I am not weak.

I was…surprised by his concern for my well-being. Normally, my contentment isn’t a priority to him. Perhaps he’s beginning to accept me. That’s good news. I do want to please him and impress him – show him that I am worthy of carrying his name. I don’t expect him to love me – that’s just foolish imaginings on my part to even think I warrant such a thing. I do want to earn his respect, not his fury. And that means doing whatever is necessary for him to assist him. Respect is earned, not given. I do think he liked my latest project, though, and I do have to spend today constructing a second one for his own use. When I went home last night, I did have a brief conversation with one of his…employees? We talked about a certain piece of technology I’m developing, and she seems interested in taking a look. Maybe she has some ideas on where I can further improve my design, as she did have some rather remarkable things to say. But, our talk was brief. My Stepfather wanted me to rest, so as soon as she left, I did that. I remember Jounouchi coming in a while later, but he didn’t say anything to me. I think he thought I was sleeping.

Stepfather approves of Jounouchi, which is a good thing. I’m pretty sure Jounouchi doesn’t care for him too much, but tolerates him. Although, after last night’s disaster, I wonder if my Koinu will want anything to do with me. It’s difficult to choose a path when one has conflicting loyalties. I see now what Stepfather meant when he said that emotions were shackles for the weak and stupid. For now, I fall into that category. But, I don’t want to give him up. I can’t. That is the one thing I will insist on, prideful creature that I am. And, I’m sure there will be fallout from that.

In work-related news, it seems those in charge at the Ministry have seen fit to assign me a new assistant. I haven’t had the…pleasure…of meeting him face-to-face yet, but it sounds like he’s one of those pretty boys. Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate a good manicure myself, but he’d better not be one of those think-they-know-it-all slack asses who really knows squat. I have better things to do than waste my time on the inept. From the few, brief words we’ve exchanged via the computer, I already dislike him. But, I will reserve further comment until I see him. Otogi Ryuji. The name is contemptible…

As unexpected as this is to me, I find myself with a new ally. Not only is he exceptionally intelligent, but he is also one of the most meticulous individuals I have ever met besides myself when it comes to contingency planning.

It seems that my altruism came back to bite me in the ass. After stopping ‘Angel’ from taking a drastic step, he was taken away by some of our most hospitable hosts. Afterwards, I had a discussion with Professor Tomoe about certain things, and apparently, he foresaw a much more sinister end to all of this besides simple memory modification. It turns out that he was correct. Warren (aka ‘Angel’) has not only had his memory modified, but he’s undergone some drastic – changes as well. I’m not sure how it was accomplished yet, but his musculature has been greatly enhanced, as have his senses and reflexes. And his wings…the white, organic wings are gone. Now he has these metal wings. I don’t think they’re cybernetic, but it’s like they’ve somehow managed to combine human and machine into one integrated system. Nevertheless, for my ‘kindness’, I am now at Warren’s mercy. Having had his gift of flight restored, he is now on the side of our captors, and his mission is to shuffle me off this mortal coil.

He very nearly succeeded.

And now I find myself with a debt that needs to be repaid.

Although, I think I have an idea on how I will accomplish that… It seems that the shit past I remember will serve a purpose after all.

( Private Musings... )

I am quite irritated that Jounouchi was used as a pawn in this perverse game. Fortunately, he, too, came away unscathed. Believe me, the longer this goes on, the more determined I am to win. And I always get what I want. Those in charge will regret choosing me for their sick experiments. At this point, I am willing to do whatever it will take to make their lives a living hell. Believe me, you have met your match.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm well on my way upon that path...

( Screened from Everyone Except Jounouchi )

I thought I could help...I should stick with computers. No emotions involved that way.

Sanzo...I should have followed your advice.

I finally met Joshua. He seems like a nice enough kid. He’s a complete opposite to Jounouchi, though. Joshua is quiet, polite and neat. And he carries this profound sadness with him. It’s not right that one so young should have such burdens to bear. I feel like I can relate on some level, but for the life of me, I don’t know why. Still, I’m not sure what the boy thinks of me just yet. As I said, he’s quiet – almost painfully shy. And I sometimes get the feeling that it bothers him that I’m with Jounouchi – whether it’s because he doesn’t trust me, or it’s something deeper than that, I don’t know. Still, I do like him, and I’m glad that he accepted my offer to stay with his Nii-san and me. I know that at the very least, it makes Jounouchi happy to have him back.

I had the opportunity to meet Professor Tomoe face to face the other day. While I do admit to being quite standoffish, the professor took my behaviour in stride and was most hospitable. As the afternoon wore on, I found myself more willing to talk to him than I had been, although I still will not apologize for my attitude. I have learned that it’s wise to err on the side of caution, and if my mannerisms are off-putting, then so be it. Nevertheless, I do find the professor to be a man of great intelligence. He knows a great deal about what is going on here, and he seems equally committed to vindication for such injustices as I am. However, despite what he does know, he is as of yet, unaware of the identity of our…host. That is something I could provide to him…if he is interested. I think I may seek him out and extend the offer. Based on what I’ve seen and heard, he is far closer to making progress with his technology than my other colleagues are with theirs. And he seems much more focused – not diversifying into countless projects and not making any real advances in any.

I could have killed Tatsumi the other day. He told me that a Buddhist monk wanted to speak with me, but he was unlike any monk I had ever seen. First, he was incredibly young for someone to have such a high ranking in the temple. Ambitious… And he certainly doesn’t follow the tenets of any Buddhist school I’ve heard about. Not that I care, really. I’m not his mother. Anyway, it seems that Tatsumi and this Genjyo Sanzo had spoken about several things, including our delightful home, and he told this priest about my own experiences. While I did not appreciate the breach of confidence, at least he shot his mouth off to a holy man. They tend to be somewhat…discrete in such matters. I only hope that Tatsumi will shut up about the new information he learned about me. I’ve forgiven him for his first slip up. Next time, I will make his life hell. Anyway, I found that I could relate to this Sanzo. He and I seem to share a similar contempt for this place, which I find refreshing. He also taught me a unique twist on a familiar concept, the Muichi Motsu. Good words to live by. Perhaps I can be convinced to go back and visit him again some time.

As for Jounouchi…ah, what to say. He is the part of my soul that has been missing, and he seems to be the only one who understands me through my moodiness and general ill-temper. He completes me, and I… I love him. I never thought it would be possible for me to think that way about anyone, but it’s true. And now that he is a part of my heart and soul, God help anyone who touches him. I will move heaven and earth to protect him and keep him safe, and I know he would do the same for me. It’s…a nice feeling. And that’s a side of me that is special, and only for him.

I went to see the doctor yesterday morning. I have to admit to having a certain amount of scepticism when I walked through the door, but Tsuzuki had said that this doctor was quite skilled, and I’ve been desperate enough to try anything. I’m sure if someone had said wearing a ballerina outfit for 4 hours a day would help me regain my memories, I’d have been out at the costume shops purchasing one. God, there’s a visual I didn’t need…

Anyway, the whole thing seemed pretty hokey to me at first – slightly darkened room, candles, soft music. I think at some point, I made some smart-assed comment, and to his credit, the doctor took it in stride. He told me that a lot of people have their doubts as to the effectiveness of the procedure – until they experience it for themselves. Then, he had me relax on the examination table he had prepared.

Honestly, I really wasn’t expecting much, and I don’t know what, exactly, he did, but it did work. I remember the things I had lost… I remember people and conversations, and events that have occurred. It’s such a relief to remember who I am and the things I’ve done.

( Private Thoughts... )

It’s been wonderful having Jounouchi around the house. He is a little messier than I am accustomed to, but I find that I’m able to overlook a lot of his little habits. It’s worth it to wake up beside him every morning. I know I’ve been keeping him up, even though he never says anything – I can see it in his eyes. They look tired and unrested. Hopefully after tonight, he won’t have to worry about it any more. I plan on ridding myself of that nuisance permanently.

Mokuba’s birthday party was…fun. Moreso for him, I would imagine. It amazes me how much the boy can eat and not be sick. Children seem to be very capable in that respect. (This doesn’t explain Jounouchi. Perhaps he falls under the ‘hollow leg’ theory…) At any rate, Mokuba seemed pleased by both the party and the gifts he received. He still doesn’t know what he’d like from me, but I’m sure that if we go shopping, he’ll find something appropriate…

Now that I’ve got my memories back, I really do need to talk to Duo…there’s something he needs to be made aware of…

The storm is over, and between Yuki, Jounouchi and me, we weathered it well. Fortunately, it was nowhere near as horrendous as initial reports had indicated, and while some people are finding themselves without homes now, the damage could have been far worse.

I don’t want Jounouchi going back to that shithole apartment. The roof is leaking, and I’m sure he’s got significant water damage. Not to mention, after a few days of torrential rains deluging everything, I’m sure that the place is far from safe. Perhaps we can go over and see if there’s anything we can salvage, and then I’m going to ask him to stay here. It’s not like I don’t have the space, and I really did like having him here. I get this déjà vu feeling that I’ve had people ~someone~ living with me before, but for the life of me, I can’t remember who. His brother is more than welcome, too – I’d hate to have siblings split up. That just doesn’t seem right at all.

I haven’t asked Jounouchi yet, but I hope he’s free on Saturday evening. There’s something I need to do, and I’m hoping that he’ll want to come with me…

( Random thoughts... )

I’ve worked more on those files. What I’ve found to date is fairly boring – mostly financial reports and accounting summaries. Although, I can see that this is certainly an expensive endeavour. I suppose someone must see some sort of potential for our little world under the microscope. Some major corporation is bankrolling the operation. We’re talking ~billions~ of dollars…

What a waste of cash, in my opinion.

I can see his eyes, and I know them well. When I sleep, (which is a rare thing these days) all I do is dream about them, and when I wake, I feel like they're watching me. I've tried to see beyond them -- to see the whole face, but I can never get past the eyes. They're an unnatural, bright brick red, and the pupils are slitted like a reptile's -- or a cat's in bright light, but they slit horizontally, not vertically. Coupled with the tiny, heavy black framed rectangular spectacles, he looks even more unnatural. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but I swear this man has no soul. Nothing but cruelty, hate, and a sort of sadistic pleasure reside in those eyes. I've seen that expression before -- on the mysterious grey-haired man with the crimson suit. I've tried drawing them, hoping that maybe it would trigger something and allow me to expand on the vision I see, but I can't do it. I just wind up with another set of his eyes staring at me, taunting me, until I get so paranoid that I crumple the page up and throw it in the trash.

I went to see a doctor about my headaches and memory loss. At the time, he was quite booked up, and asked me if I could come back on the weekend. I don't care if the hurricane is dumping sheets of water on me and the winds are gale force -- when the time comes for that appointment, I will brave the storm and go.

( Private Musings... )

I continue to work through the downloaded information I retrieved. I found Archon's 'safe-list' and gave a copy to Washu. It's amazing how many people are on the list, and how deep the deception runs. It's strange to have to worry about who you can really trust. Some people are actually living with these phoney individuals, and I don't think they even know it. Washu has finished her device to break through the holograms, and I'm anxious to see what she finds. I'm still looking for an internal schematic of the facility...

After meeting with her, I had a civil conversation with Tsuzuki. I can't help but feel a little guilty for the way I've treated him, and yet, he has still not been put off by me. Either he sees something in me that no one else does, or he's the most stubborn person I know. Why he has this innate need to befriend me baffles me, and yet at the same time, I find it somehow endearing. I just wish he wouldn't try so hard. He usually winds up saying something stupid overly sentimental that irritates me. I know he doesn't mean it in an insulting or derogatory way, but I have a hard time dealing with such things. But, when he's just talking and not over-thinking things, he's remarkably intelligent, and is actually quite pleasant to be around. I will try to be a little more tolerant around him. He doesn't deserve my wrath...most of the time.

In other news, with the impending storms, I'm going to be having houseguests.

One is this person named Sohma Yuki. Apparently, we met some time back on the beach, but I can't recall anything about it. He tells me we had a long discussion on poetry and literature. Oh, how I'd love to remember that conversation. I'm sure that he and I will have it again, or maybe we have already. Yuki's very quiet, and keeps to himself for the most part. I'm sure he'd never tell me, even if we had the same conversation five times over. He seems a little nervous or embarrassed to be staying with me. I really don't mind that he is. The house is big enough where we can both have our space, and he doesn't annoy me, so it works out well. He even brought me a gift when he showed up on my doorstep. He made me some strawberry tarts. They are very good, and I appreciate the thoughtful gesture. Perhaps I'll give him a book from my library in return. He really is quite fond of reading, and he's already devoured several volumes. It's refreshing to meet a person who can appreciate the classics and has an attention span longer than four seconds.

The other is Jounouchi. I'm glad that he agreed to stay with me. I've missed him over the past few days, and he seems to be the only person who can really 'ground' me lately -- keep me calm enough to where I'm not ready to throw something in a fit of anger. I only hope that I can provide him the comfort he needs. I can't help but feel like I've failed him somehow...

Never mind the fact that I already feel like I've failed myself...

Oh my God...

I read through the largest file on this 'Project Janus', and if I hadn't seen the information with my own eyes, I never would have believed it. I've made a copy of this and given it to my colleague to peruse. In the meantime, I want to read through the other information.

Some of it is purely administrative. But there are others that hold promise.

( Private Musings )

I need to get away from this for a while. I feel like I'm losing my mind -- what little of it remains. I did take Tsuzuki's advice and visit a doctor. He seemed eccentric, and he had some unusual ideas, but for the most part, he agreed to try to help me. At this point, I'm desperate to try anything -- I want to be a person again.

I'm going to see Jounouchi. He's like a port in a storm, and right now, I need him. Apparently, he likes sweets -- I'll bring him some when I stop by. How pathetic -- I don't even recall the ways I can please him and make him happy... and that is most unfair to him.